Category Archives: Family

Abruptions

Funny how certain things stay with you.

My grandson recently brought home a test he’d taken in school, one where they had to use spelling words in sentences. His mom noticed several smiley faces drawn on the paper by his teacher, and how one sentence in particular had garnered two smiley faces.

“I hope Hawaii won’t have any more abruptions.”

We laughed, teased about the cuteness of his answer, wondered how he knew about Hawaii’s volcanos, and even considered whether he’d coined a new word. It kind of made sense to us.

Definitions are Innocuous things, but sometimes they can be quite troubling. I mean, you know the meaning of the words you use, right? Or at least what you want it to mean.

Have you ever noticed how a song, a melody, a face, an insult or a compliment rattle around in your mind forever? For me it was abruptions, enough so I found myself searching Dictionary.com. By definition, abrupt means sudden or unexpected, while erupt means to break out of a pent-up state, usually in a sudden and violent manner.

As I pondered these meanings, it wasn’t difficult to see how a child might confuse the two words. That’s when I realized the Lord has sent many abruptions into my life over the years, and almost always when I’d grown complacent. (Complacent means pleased, especially with your own merits, advantages, situation, etc., and most often without awareness of some danger or defect; self-satisfied.)

Yikes! Convicted.

It’s time to rouse from my comfort zone. Again. At least this time, the Lord sent me a gentle abruption.

James 1:22 (ESV) says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”

“Imperfect…” – Interview with Elizabeth Noyes

(August 21, 2018 Blog post Interview with Theresa Nash – My Writing Ventures)

This week’s interview is with Elizabeth Noyes, author of the “Imperfect Series.” Her fifth and final book of the series launches today. Take advantage of the one-day introductory sale price of 99¢.

TN: Welcome ElizabethWhy do you write, and what subjects or genre inspire you?

EN: I’ve always been a writer. In high school I wrote skits for the cheerleaders, a play for our acting club, and even won a local short story contest. Every job I’ve ever held always ended up with a writing requirement, likely because it’s my strength. Even in conversation it becomes apparent that writing is my passion.

I’ve also always been an avid reader, though it’s less about the genre than the quality of the writing. Give me a good plot, strong characters that come to life,  and I’m hooked. 

TN: What genre do you normally write in?

EN: My natural inclination leans toward action/adventure/suspense with a dash of romance thrown in for good measure. I like excitement and emotional upheaval, but I also like when the good guys win. 

TN: Describe your writing style. (e.g. narrative, lots of dialogue, first-person, etc.) 

EN: I prefer third-person point of view and try to mix up the various styles. Too much of any one loses the rhythm. 

TN: What is your biggest challenge when novel writing? And do you ever get writer’s block? 

EN: Distractions are my biggest challenge. I tend to immerse myself deep into the story and when the inevitable distraction occurs, I find it difficult to re-establish the connection. That’s why I’m prone to early morning writing—while the world is still sleeps.

TN: How many books have you written, and what inspired you to write your first book? 

EN: I have written five books, four published and one due to release August 21, 2018. I’ve also collaborated on two multi-author books.

I started writing after one of my favorite authors let me down. He did a really poor job of finishing up a novel that had a marvelous buildup. I couldn’t help but think he was up against a deadline and took the easy way out. Unforgivable. Disgusted, I thought to myself, “I can do better than that.” I’ve never bought another of his books.

TN: Why did you decide to self-publish instead of going through an agent or publisher? 

EN: I published through a small press, which is not quite indie, but not quite traditional either. 

TN: How did you come up with your cover design? 

EN: I stumbled across a picture, one of an eagle with a damaged wing but still flying high. My editor and I collaborated on the design, but I insisted on using the eagle. 

TN: What software do you use for your print version and/or for eBook? 

EN: I use Microsoft Word and Excel for writing. My small press publisher formats for both print and eBook versions. 

TN: What tips would you give to someone who is considering self-publishing the work? 

EN: There are lots of indie collaboration groups out there. Join them. Follow the threads. Identify those most knowledgeable and ask for advice. Pose questions to the group. In other words, educate yourself on all aspects of the process. There is a steep learning curve and you will make mistakes. Forgive yourself, learn from your errors, and move on. 

TN: Describe the plot of one of your books.

EN: The five books I’ve published are a a series. The stories center around a ranching family in Idaho—mother, father, and their five grown children. In the first book, Imperfect Wings, a young woman stumbles onto a drug operation and murder in Honduras, and in so doing bungles a special ops mission underway. The leader of the special ops team (the oldest of main family’s siblings) has to make a quick decision: complete the mission or rescue the woman. Of course, he rescues her … and falls for her in the process. The ensuing story is series of adventures and misadventures that take them on a wild chase across the country. It’s one of those edge-of-your-seat action stories that keep you turning the pages. As I like to say – not your ordinary romantic suspense.

TN: If you’ve written more than one book, which one is your favorite?

EN: The subsequent books in this series features one of the siblings with a connected threat that  continues throughout. Each one’s personality are revealed book-by-book. My intent was to create a strong family dynamic so the characters become like family to the reader.

If I had to choose a favorite, it would be book one (described above). it was my first published book, took me longer to write/edit/polish and then release, and it has garnered the most reviews simply by being the first in the series.

TN: Do you have any future projects/novel ideas in mind?

EN: I have my first ever manuscript waiting in the wings. I call it my practice lesson because in it I did everything a new author could possibly do wrong! I still love the plot idea, so the outline is pretty much there, but it will require a complete rewrite.

TN: Thank you Elizabeth for sharing with my readers.

Betty to Betty

(August 30, 2018 Thursday Morning Blogspot Interview with Betty Thomason Owens)

Hello, Thursday Morning readers! I have a special treat for you this morning, so pour another cup, and settle in.

Elizabeth “Betty” Noyes is one of my favorite authors. I’ll never forget the first time I picked up one of her books, also published by Write Integrity Press. I was so amazed by the world she created, the characters, and well-researched background. With the recent release of Imperfect Promises, the series is now complete.

So, let’s get down to business!

Thank you, Betty Noyes, for taking the time to visit with me. There are two very important elements in your Imperfect series: family and setting. As an introduction to the stories, please tell us a little about each of these elements.

Family – I am a Christian writing for a Christian press, but I don’t want to just ‘preach to the choir.’ As we age and die off, the choir must be replenished. I want to reach outside the Christian community for those readers searching for a good, clean, entertaining book that isn’t glutted with the profanity, explicit violence, and gratuitous sex so prevalent in today’s literature. My goal is to deliver a satisfying, entertaining story that readers can get lost in while ingesting some of the seeds I’ve sown. I want them to see Christians, not as adversaries, but as real people like themselves, people who struggle with the same problems, moral dilemmas, and failings. In my books, I want them to know what a strong, family unit can do through love, support, and devotion. I believe our country and way of life is in peril unless we reestablish and fortify the family unit.

Setting – The key to engaging a reader is to provide a connection for them—to a character(s), to an event or circumstance, and/or to a setting. The trick is to describe these people/events/places just enough to give something familiar to the reader, someone they can picture, an event they recall, or a place they’ve been to or seen. For example, I think just about everybody can remember a time spent in doctor’s office or hospital emergency waiting room. Enough description—uncomfortable chairs all lined up, squalid carpeting, antiseptic smells, sick people slumped over, a sobbing child, television turned to a boring program, dogeared outdated magazines—can drop you right back to that moment.

The opening scene of your final book is gritty, and kind of ugly, but a page-turner, because I want to find out why Jonas Cameron is in this place, doing what he’s doing. How would you describe your main character? Give readers a sense of who he is (without revealing too much).

It’s interesting to me that you see the opening chapter as gritty and kind of ugly because all of my male readers loved the realism. That’s been one of my biggest struggles while writing from dual point of views. As a woman, it’s hard to put myself into the mind of a man. That’s why I have several male beta readers I call upon all the time. This opening scene does not show Nigeria as the beautiful country it actually is, rather it reveals the mindset of the main character, a soldier. It reflects the resentment he feels for being there, the extended time his mission has taken, the harsh landscape and difficult weather conditions he’s subjected himself to, how he grapples with doing the deed, and the fact that he might not yet get to leave. All of these factors flavor his attitude, his state of mind, his thoughts.

As I mentioned earlier, all my characters are flawed, hence the name Imperfectin the titles. We all mean well, but seldom live up to our intentions. Jonas is the middle child, older than his twin sisters, but the youngest of the three brothers. While he followed in his brothers’ footsteps and joined the military right out of college, Jonas’s path took him down some pretty dark roads. Now separated from that life, he’s still bound by oath to keep those secrets, and struggles with the right or wrongness of his past decisions.

I loved the realism. I was immediately drawn in to the story. And you’re right about male readers. In the last couple of books before this one, I picked up the idea that Jonas is a little hopeless where love is concerned. It will take a special woman to deal with his past. So, who is Shea Townsend? Can you give us a glimpse into her character?

Jonas comes with the typical bachelor attitude. He’s watched his two older brothers and wants to sow his wild oats just as they did. But as his brothers and sisters all fall into committed relationships, he begins to recognize the emptiness of his life. He sees the joy his siblings have found, and wonders if it might be available to him, too.

Shea Townsend is a complicated character. She lost her mother’s influence at an early age, and was raised by a mentally unstable father who saw her more as another hand to help out than as a child to raise. Having grown up on a cattle farm, she became very knowledgeable about the biological workings of the world and yet remained intriguingly naïve with little real-world exposure. When her one foray into a relationship ended in betrayal, she chose to protect herself by shutting down any man who showed interest in her.

Shea actually appeared in book one of the series, and had several more interactions with Jonas as the series progressed. Their connection was a slow build, a necessary requirement given her wariness and his commitment phobia. They actually became friends first, before the attraction between them was allowed to sizzle. Shea’s character arc takes from self-inflicted independence and zero trust to accepting that others could love her without having a hidden agenda. She learns to accept Jonas as he is, while recognizing there are some parts of him she’ll never know.

About the author: Who is Elizabeth Noyes?

I’m a southern girl. I grew up in Mobile, Alabama, but lost much of my southern accent when I married an Army man and spent the next twenty-five years following him around the world. Now that we’ve settled in a small town on the outskirts of Atlanta, I like to say that I still speak the language.

My husband and I still like to travel, but we also enjoy spending time with our three grandchildren who live nearby. We go to soccer games and gymnastic meets, and babysit the g-kids and g-dogs whenever asked. I’m involved in several Bible studies and am active in our church, but I also enjoy playing bridge and baking. Oh yes, I’m an avid reader and usually consume 3-4 books a week.

Of course, there’s my writing. I’m not the typical author who sets a word count quota and works a little bit every single day. When an idea comes to mind, I will spend hours upon hours for days upon days lost in the story until I get it all down.

I like your writing style! You visited the setting of your Imperfect stories last year, and I believe it was a special time for you. Tell us a little about that adventure.

As I mentioned, my husband and I enjoy traveling. Alaska was one place I’d not been, but he’d made many visits there while still in the service. I finally talked him into going (I told him I was going with or without him!), and he agreed it would be fun. The cruise to Alaska turned into a train trip across Canada following the cruise, and then it morphed into a road trip across the northwestern United States the week before the cruise. We spent a year planning all the details.

On this road trip we took Route 93 down through Montana and Idaho to the (fictional) town of Hastings Bluff where the Camerons live. We stopped in the neighboring (real) town of Challis for lunch, toured the area, visited the library (yes, I sent them my books), and pointed out the places where different events in the books took place. What can I say? It’s was magical. Like coming home!

 

As this series ends, are you sad to say goodbye?

I’ve read many series that seem to go on and on … until I got tired of them and just stopped reading. I didn’t want my readers to reach that point. Could the story continue? Absolutely, I mean life goes on, right? Do my readers clamor for more? Yes, they do. Some have asked for a continuation, others want the parents’ story, and still others have asked for a spinoff. While I won’t rule out any possibilities, I’ve set my mind on another project for now.

Saying goodbye to Cate and Cody Cameron, Garrett and TJ, Wade and Lucy, Jonas and Shea, Mallory and James, and Cassie and Derek is … I’ll be honest, it’s hard. It hurts. They’ve become very real to me. They’re family, but I know I’m leaving them in the fond hearts of my readers, so I’m okay with The End.

What’s next for you?

I mentioned a new project above, but I actually have three I’m considering. One is a two-part story, another is a three-book trilogy, and the third is similar to The Imperfect Series, but with totally different characters. All three projects are screaming to be heard, but I need to get through the flurry of book release activities before I can settle in for a long day of writing. That’s when I’ll determine which of these new characters want most to be heard!

Autoimmune Disease – It’s Forever!

Do you or a loved one suffer from an autoimmune disease? Do you even know what autoimmune disease is?

Just to be clear, an autoimmune disorder is not a cold or the flu. It’s not “all in your head,” and It never goes away. You never get better. Drugs, diet, and exercise may help, but there is no cure.

Autoimmune disease is a disorder that occurs when our body’s immune response acts against healthy tissues by mistake. This response can take many forms, and today there are more than 80 identified autoimmune disorders that adversely affect more than 23 million Americans.

I don’t test my friends, so I’m not asking you to “like” or even “share” this, but I do feel it is important to help spread awareness for those who suffer daily (and quietly) with a chronic illness.

Some identified autoimmune disorders include: Sarcoidosis, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Graves Disease, Cushing’s, Addison’s, Hepatitis, Hashimoto’s, Type 1 Diabetes, Celiac, Crohns, IBD, MS, PBC,CIDP, Psoriasis, Psoriatic Arthritis, Ankylosing spondylitis, Vasculitis, Ulcerative colitis, Fibromyalgia, MCTD, and many others not named here.

The next time you ask a friend or co-worker how they are, and they answer, “I’m fine,” take a closer look. Are there pain lines etched around their eyes? Chances are, they’re one of those 23 million Americans suffering in silence.

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A blast from the antebellum past!

Mobile’s Azalea Trail is more than just a dress …

… although it was the stunning, otherworldly dress in this article ( Meet The Maids ) that caught my eye … and sent me tumbling into a pool of memories. You see, this was me. A long, long time ago. In the world of 1969. When I was named to the court of Mobile’s Azalea Trail Maids. I’m humbled to this day by the honor bestowed upon me.

The whole concept of the Azalea Trail started way back in 1929 when a local horticulturist devised a plan to revitalize the city through a beatification project. Since the Mobile-Tensaw River Delta was (and still is) one of the largest intact wetland ecosystems in America, Mr. Lackland thought to take azalea bushes, which thrived in Mobile’s climate, and plant them along well-traveled roads throughout the city. The Jaycees (now the Mobile Junior Chamber of Commerce} liked his idea and the rest, as they say, is history. At one time, the city painted a pink stripe along the original 15-mile route, but this feature was later outlawed because of state laws. Today, the famous route (sans the pink ribbon marker) has expanded to 35-miles as it rambles through the city. In the spring when the flowers bloom in abundance, the sight is truly spectacular!

In the early days, debutantes would dress up in their finest, and act as ambassadors for the city. Between the flowers and the ladies, tourism soared and the Azalea Trail Court was introduced in 1935. Today, it is a continuing tradition that not only promotes the City of Mobile, but offers scholarships, a chance for travel, national exposure, and opportunities for fifty high school seniors to develop poise and confidence as they speak to large crowds on behalf of their community.

The colors of the dresses today are much more vivid than the delicate pastels my friends and I wore way back when, but the gowns are every bit as dramatic and still stunningly beautiful. My mother was a professional seamstress who was in great demand for her Mardi Gras costume designs, so I got to watch the magic happen in my own home. I saw my gorgeous pastel blue antebellum dress come to life day by day.

Mama made everything for me — the overdress, the hooped petticoat that gave the dress its bell-shape, a wide-brimmed garden hat, the prissy parasol, lacy gauntlets (fingerless gloves), satiny cummerbund, frilly pantaloons, a sweeping bow/sash, and even a faux fur-lined cape for those bitter winter days. She even dyed a corset (longline bra), several pairs of tights, and a pair of Mary Jane shoes to match the color of my dress!

I can still recall the excitement of donning that gown. It was like becoming a different person’ and going back hundreds of years in time. And the weight! After a few hours, the heaviness became a burden. Imagine, fully dressed, each girl wore 40-50 pounds of material—sixty yards of organza, fifteen yards of taffeta, ten yards of broadcloth, ten yards of fur, and who knows how much lace, ribbons, netting, and bows.
Back in my day, the Azalea Trail Maids performed at the Junior Miss Pageant, and appeared in the halftime show of the Senior Bowl Game. We made tons of PR appearances at Bellingrath Gardens, and rode in multiple parades along the pink-striped streets. We learned the art of a genteel curtsy, how to wave and smile with genuine feeling, but most of all we learned about the civility of a bygone time, one filled with poise and grace and generosity of spirit. And all this against a backdrop of azaleas, rhododendrons, gardenias, magnolias, tulips, hyacinths, daffodils, violets, and Spanish moss.

This is such an amazing, whimsical memory, one that still brings a smile.

Suggested Links:

Vintage photos show the rich history of Mobile’s Azalea Trail

Bellingrath Gardens

Mobile’s Azalea Trail Maids

25 Things To Know About Mobile

 

A Labor Day Vacay with the Fam at Myrtle Beach!

Just what the doctor ordered!

A long drive over … Tropical Storm Hermine … braving the rain to eat out for lunch at TBONZ … fierce games of Sorry and Triominos while the streets flooded … homemade meatballs and pasta for dinner by the best private chef in the biz! … sunshine, sand, saltwater, sunscreen, and some serious beach time … no-holds’barred mini-golf at Jungle Lagoon, Mount Atlanticus, and Hawaiian Rumble … a happy 40th birthday …. a Thai birthday dinner … more beach time … amazing sunsets … terrific pools …. and then clean up, pack up, and hit the road again.

And a great time was had by all.

Collage

Peace in the Valley

“There will be peace in the valley … one day.”

I woke this morning with a song playing in my head. It was like I was a child again, sitting on the floor of our living room on a Sunday afternoon while my father settled a stack of 45s on the record player. He loved music, but preferred two types—Western and Gospel.

Now when I say Western music, I’m not talking about the country twang of lost dogs, wrecked trucks, hangovers, and cheating lovers. Not the banjo-picking or bluegrass stuff either, though they each offer something special. He loved Western, the smooth, mellow outpouring of the soul we heard from the likes of Gene Autry, Roy Rogers, and The Sons of the Pioneers.

He also loved gospel music—The Blackwood Brothers, George Beverly Shea, and his all-time favorite, Tennessee Ernie Ford. It was Mr. Ford’s rendition of Peace in the Valley that rocked me awake today. My first conscious thought was, “Yeah, our country needs this reminder more than ever.”tennessee-ernie-ford

Which brings me to the point of this blog: Politics suck!

The news has been filled with negativity for as long as I can remember, this week even more so. Next week will likely follow the same pattern.

Yes, I worry about the state of our country. I fret over the BLM violence, the police-hating, the race-baiting, and all the political posturing. I grieve even more over the terrible things happening in the world. Evil has a foothold, but I have a higher hope.

“Concerned yes, but I refuse to let it consume me.”

I know that nothing happens by chance. Not kismet, not fate, not happenstance, luck, accident, or destiny. The two candidates vying for the role of President of the United States may not be ideal, but they’re what we have, and I don’t believe for a second they’re in this position by happenstance. And though the journey be long and difficult, as my grandma used to say, “Things don’t just happen, sweetie. They come to pass.”

Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.  ~Romans 13:1 (NIV)

I don’t like my choices, so I will pray. And listen. And then I will vote for the one who best supports a return to a God-fearing America. To not vote is to abdicate my responsibility as an American.  It is an admission that I have no value as a citizen of this country, and a declaration of my failure as a Christian.

I will do my part. And I will trust God to work things out according to His great purpose.

Peace in the Valley Picmonkey Collage

‘Nuff said. Listen to this oldie and let it soothe you, for I know that one day, we too will find Peace in the Valley.

 

To quote a favorite Yogi-ism, “It’s déjà vu all over again!”

A modern day David v. Goliath story … with a twist.

I hear Baxter!

I hear Baxter!

My dog, Daisy, has an ongoing battle with another dog in the neighborhood. Every morning, from two houses away, the little yapper comes out in his backyard and issues a challenge. And every morning, without fail, my Daisy accepts it. At the first yip, she bursts through the doggy door like a circus clown shot from a cannon, and the ‘bark wars’ begin with the mighty Baxter.  Try to picture it — a (maybe) 10-pound dust mop throwing down against an 80-pound hound dog.

I’ve chastened, reprimanded, scolded, chastised, reproached, and rebuked Daisy so many times. While all my fussing hasn’t stopped her natural inclination to protect her territory, she has improved. Now, after five barks — no more, no less — my big old hound dog tucks her tail and heads back inside, ears drooping, head hanging low, sad eyes filled with remorse.

Please forgive me!

Please forgive me!

Yes, remorse. (Anyone who says dogs don’t communicate has never lived with a pet!) She just can’t seem to help herself.

Does this sound familiar? Aren’t Christians the same way? Just as the Apostle Paul described in Romans Chapter 7 how way down deep in his heart and his soul, he wanted to do what was right, but his sinful nature kept getting in the way, kept overwhelming all of his heartfelt, good intentions.

Like Daisy, as much as we want to please our Master, we too succumb to our innate instincts.

The world sneers at Christians. They see us struggle with the same moral dilemmas they face, except that Christians are convicted when we do wrong. We admit our failings. We ask for forgiveness and mercy … and we receive it from a righteous God.

The image we present to the world is a mirror for them, one where they see in themselves the same failings—but not the forgiveness, or the peace that accompanies it. They want what we have – but without the price of submission.

Our assignment here on earth is to demonstrate the way to life everlasting through how we live. Our job is to talk the talk AND walk the walk, so be kind to unbelievers. Be gentle. Be earnest and understanding because the human spirit is drawn to sincerity. And for heaven’s sake, don’t judge others; that’s above our pay grade. That job belongs to Jesus.

Our Christmas Tree is a Global Experience

Three weeks until Christmas. All week long, Paul and I have been bringing the Christmas decorations down from the attic—lights, wrapping paper and fancy boxes, the pre-lit tree, wreaths, bows, tinsel, greenery … and the ornaments. Lots of ornaments. This weekend, the house will transform.

Our Christmas tree has its own unique personality. Not a designer creation by any stretch of the imagination, but one wholly representative of our life together. From the kiln-fired airplane painted by our son in first grade, to the Rudolph made from a real peanut and decorated with pipe cleaner antlers and googly eyes our daughter made in 2nd grade – each item we put on our tree comes with its own special memory.

Some of my faves include a cuckoo clock from Germany, a photo ornament of our beloved dog, Christmas Ornament from KoreaMac, and a hand painted bulb given to us by a dear friend when we lived in South Korea. There’s a sea shell from Barbados, a Big Ben from England, A reproduction of Mary the Queen Catholic Church (moved from Buffalo to Norcross in My Favorite Christmas Ornaments2010 and gifted to us by our son and his family). A replica of St. Basil’s Cathedral from Russia, foam handprints of our grandchildren, and (recently added) a kangaroo ridden by a koala from Australia.

After the festivities end every year, I painstakingly wrap each ornament in soft paper to ensure its safety. Let’s face it, some of these things are older than my own kids! And fragile, so delicate. The payoff comes the following year when I get to unwrap them all over again. It’s like my very own private Christmas complete with presents! I get to relive some of the best times of my life.

And yes, sometimes I cry.

Amidst the unveiling of all these precious and priceless memories, there are two ornaments in particular that I look for. Christmas isn’t Christmas until they surface. The first (our very first BrotchenChristmas ornament) was given to us by our German landlord, a little something his wife made for our first Christmas together in our first home. She took a simple brotchen (a crusty, hard roll), varnished it, added a ribbon and a little decoration, and penned a note. Gib uns heute unser täglich brotchen” — Give us this day our daily bread. 

We still have that roll. The note has yellowed with time, and the bread is crumbling, but it still goes on our tree, front and center, in a place of honor.

The second ornament is a baby in a blue cradle that we picked up on our first road trip to Italy. (You see the “first” pattern?) It represents the Baby Jesus. We were young, invincible, and owned the world back then. Tomorrow was a long time away. As with most young people, we took one day at a time and without much of a plan for the future. But even so early in our marriage, we knew Christ belonged in our marriage.

I wish you and your loved ones a joyous and Christ-filled Christmas.

Frohe Weihnachten  –  Feliz Navidad  –  메리 크리스마스   –  С Рождеством Maligayang Pasko  –  Joyeux Noël  –  Giáng sinh vui vẻ  –  Nadolig Llawen

Merry Christmas to all!

 

Life as a Military Dependent

What every civilian fiancé should know about marrying into the military:

For a little girl who’d never been out of the great state of Alabama, I sure jumped into the deep end of life when I married a career soldier. Life with a military man is not a bed of roses, and not for the faint of heart.Army wedding

Below, are five things I think every prospective military spouse should understand before tying the knot. It’s not a comprehensive list by any means, but they can be a real eye-opener.

  1. If the Army wanted one of its soldiers to have a wife, they would have issued one. If I had a nickel for every time I was called a “dependent,” I could have retired ten years ago. The day I graduated from high school and got a job was the last time I was “dependent” on anybody. My parents raised me to be responsible and self-sufficient. The Army views a soldier’s wife and family as gratuitous baggage. You take them along when you move, but they get dropped and left behind the moment the going gets rough.
  2. In the event of hostilities, you’re on your own. Your soldier is married to the Army. Army wifeYou’re more of concubine as long as they remain in the service. We lived in Korea for three years during one tour. Back then, North and South Korea were always teetering on the edge of war with each other. The tension at Panmunjom (the abandoned village on the border between North and South Korea where the Armistice was signed after the Korean War) was palpable. We lived in Seoul, a scant 50 kilometers from the border, which meant the populace remained in a constant state of readiness. As the commander of an elite helicopter unit at Camp Humphreys, my honey and his men were first responders. That meant, in the event of hostilities, he answered the call of duty, and I was on my own with the kids.
  3. Discipline is a way of life. The military trains their fighting forces to obey orders— without question and without hesitation. The U.S. continues to have the most well-trained and educated forces in the world. The dress code, the physical fitness requirements, the mandatory drills—all result from and encourage continued obedience. You’ll never see a wife fuss and fidget about her clothes as much as a soldier in dress uniform does.
  4. You will be alone at times. Face it, the military is on call twenty-four/seven. This may mean maneuvers, training/education, or deployment (when they’re sent to hot spots around the world). When Uncle Sam calls, your soldier will go. Missing your anniversary, the kids’ birthdays, birth of a baby, or a family crisis—in the grand scheme of things, you run a close second, but Uncle will always come first. Don’t get me wrong. The military will often make allowances to keep families together and happy, but it’s just that, an allowance.
  5. Plan on having clean closets for the duration. With a move at least every three years, you’ll have the cleanest garage/attic/basement in the neighborhood. You just won’t have the time, space, or energy to be a pack rat. Of course, you’ll wonder three years down the road what became of that tan dress you liked so much. There will be lots of donations to the clothing drop boxes.

Harsh? Yes. BUT, for every con of military life, there are two or more pros. My world expanded exponentially with exposure to other cultures around the world, and to the men and women of the armed services. The Army takes care of its own. Pride, honor, integrity, morality, principles, ethics, and virtue – what better role models for your children than a man or woman in uniform. And oh the places I’ve seen!

The bottom line for me is, if I had it to do over knowing what I know now … I wouldn’t change a thing!